A major shift in the way we seek rewards and happiness has been occurring over the
past two decades. We’ve come to expect our wishes granted instantaneously. We’ve
become accustomed to getting everything we want, from our fruit smoothies and prime
rib dinners delivered to our door in mere minutes to finding the love of our lives with just
a few swipes on our iPhone. All without any great effort on our part.
But along with the march of progress comes collateral damage. Putting forth little to no
sweat equity—and still reap rewards—leaves us with a mentality highly attuned to
what’s easy. That is, we’ve come to prefer and even expect that we get what we want
when we want it, and with a bow on top too.
Essentially, we’ve gone from a time when the worldview was achievement comes after
paying one’s dues to the current moment with the perspective that we are quick to move
on if we fail to meet our needs instantly.
One perspective that feeds into this mentality is the trying mindset. Not sure what that
is? Let’s break this down.
The Trying Mindset
Ever had a goal to have a healthier lifestyle, a deeper relationship, career advancement,
or more overall happiness? Most of us have set intentions to do better in these life
domains. And so we set out to “Give it a try.”
Good first step, right? No, not exactly. In fact, this is our first mistake.
Trying is not the goal-meeting powerhouse we think it is. In practice, trying is a half-
hearted attempt or effort. It’s more of an “I’ll kind of, maybe, sort of” intention that’ll
maybe eventually or never come to fruition.
When we try, we are procrastinating or hoping. We’re wondering, talking, or sometimes
worrying about what it is that we want or need. Trying involves delaying the steps to our
goal, and then when we do get around to taking them, those steps are tentative and
passive at best.
In addition, if we try and fail, we give up and move on to the next task to try, and repeat
the cycle. How many times have we said to a loved one, “Well, I tried calling you but
you didn’t answer and I got really busy and figured I’d try again in a few days”? We have
unwittingly allowed a trying mindset to weaken our resolve, to tempt our patience, and
to trick us into believing we actually did the work. You called, there was no human on
the other end, so you quit. How can we expect to reach our goals if we only ever try?
The truth is, trying doesn’t lead to accomplishments. It’s merely testing the waters with
one toe. Trying is a mental exercise whereas doing is a physical action. Trying relegates
our goals to the “nice idea” wish list, while doing checks off the goal on the to-do list.
The Doing Mindset
Doing means you are taking strong, determined action. You’re too busy to talk about
what you are doing because you are doing it. You’re taking steps as opposed to hoping
for them to just happen. You are holding yourself accountable for any outcome and not
leaning on excuses or blame if you fail.
When you are doing, rather than only trying, you control when, where, and how you go
about your daily tasks and accomplish your goals. You control the narrative of your life.
You experience less uncertainty and doubt, less chaos, and fewer negative
repercussions. Moreover, with a habit of doing, your ability to make decisions aligned
with the future you want will be clearer, more certain, and more focused.
Without a doubt, doing takes time and effort. Yes, food delivered to your door is quick
and easy, but in the hour it takes you to prep, cook, and serve dinner, you might
mentally solve a nagging work issue, bond with your child while they help you chop
veggies, and practice some self-compassion. Yes, it’s easy to watch your niece’s
graduation live-streamed from the comfort of your couch, but the effort of driving there
and elbowing your way to a good seat is worth it for the long hug and meaningful words
of congratulations you can share face to face.
Doing isn’t fast or easy (at least not usually) but it’s rewarding, confidence building,
energizing, and empowering.
How to Accomplish More with a Doing Mindset
If you have been trying to get something important done, and expecting it will
happen instantaneously, you will likely be disappointed. Doing is what will bring results,
and doing takes effort. If you’re looking for ways to get out of the trying mindset and
adopt a doing attitude, here are eight steps you can take.
- Catch yourself trying. There’s a clear distinction between doing and trying.
With trying, there’s no accomplishment or tangible reward—it’s simply a thinkingexercise. It sounds like: I’m trying to find a new job. However, doing is a physical
experience. It sounds like: I revised my résumé, sent it to five openings, and am
prepping for an interview tomorrow. - Start small. Tackle one doable task at a time. That is, make it something you
can accomplish in a relatively short amount of time. Think micro steps toward a
macro goal. - Set a ticking clock. Instill a self-imposed time limit to help keep you focused
and on track. The key is to make sure the time isn’t too far in the future or too
soon. A deadline that matches your pace is important. - Be realistic. You must be sure that you have the time, resources, and ability to
complete your intended goal. If you have doubts, rework your goal until you have
more confidence about reaching it. But also make sure there’s some challenge to
it that will make it interesting. - Tackle the hardest part first. If distractions or procrastination are your undoing,
then don’t give them time to take hold or set in. Instead, identify the most
challenging task and get it done first, before doing anything else, no ifs, ands, or
buts. - Have fun. Boredom can set in if you’ve been working toward your goal for a
while, or doing something necessary but don’t particularly enjoy. So get creative
about adding in elements that make the time pass more pleasantly. - Celebrate your win. Building in a reward system is a terrific motivator. By
allowing yourself special treats for reaching certain milestones, you’ll have more
fun and motivation to reach the next goal more enthusiastically. - Repeat often. When you let go of the trying mindset and adopt a doing mindset,
repetition happens naturally. Fewer things around the house, at work, and in your
personal life will be left on your try-to-do list—because they’re all been checked
off your done list.
The effects of doing
While it would be unfair to say that not trying and instead doing will guarantee you
success each and every time you set out to achieve a goal, it is accurate to say that, not
trying will greatly increase the odds of your success every time.
When you replace trying with doing you become more confident, you’ll be seen as a
leader and become accountable to those who rely on you. You’ll have less anxiety and
insomnia because you won’t be worrying about all of the things you are trying to do but
not getting done. You will have more time because your to-do list is finally getting
complete. You won’t be tempted to give up so easily and will become more comfortable
with setbacks. You’ll hone your ability to pivot when your plans go south, and then get
right back in do mode.
What are you waiting for? Embrace the effort it takes to do. Greet the challenge fully
and with passion. Today is a great day to stop trying and to start doing!
Carla Ondrasik is a dynamic creative force who built her career—and her life—on fearless reinvention. She is a former music publishing executive and creative mentor who built a trailblazing career helping artists reach the top of the Billboard charts. As V.P. of Creative Writer Development FOR EMI Music Publishing (WC), she worked with music icons and chart topping artists including; Barbra Streisand, Mariah Carey, and Cher, Christina Aguilera, and discovered Five for Fighting’s John Ondrasik—her husband of over 27 years. Today, Carla channels her decades of industry experience into empowering others through mentoring, workshops, panel talks, speaking engagements, and her upcoming book, Stop Trying!.